Loving Liam

I might have been the woman Liam Anders loved, but music was my husband’s mistress, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t compete. The beautiful bitch always won, and I was sick and tired of losing.

When he went back on the road, I once again had to share him with the world, but this time I was left with a very confused and angry little girl who missed her daddy even more than me.

In my loneliness, I realized that the wounds of our past had never fully healed, and they likely never would. And when those scars were ripped wide open, unsurprisingly, Lee wasn’t there to put me back together… but someone else was.

PROLOGUE

Meara, six years earlier…

I sit in Liam’s lap, waiting for him to tell me whatever it is he’s hesitant about. He’s leaving soon to go back on the road, and I hate that what little time we have left might be spent discussing something unpleasant. We’ve been together since we were just kids, and I know him well enough to know that something’s on his mind.

“The record company added more stops to the tour.”

“Okay,” I reply, clearly not sure what the big deal is because stuff like this happens all the time. His band, Reason to Ruin, has been touring for several years, so this isn’t news to me.

“They’re big, Meara.”

“Wow. That’s amazing.”

“And, of course, we’re getting compensated for it.”

“Lee, that’s—”

“I don’t want it, though.”

Pulling my head back, I can feel my eyebrows scrunching together in confusion. “What? Why not?”

“Because I want to be here with you.”

That’s the absolute last thing I want. I push off him and cross my arms. “Lee. Don’t. Not because of me. I’ll be here. Please don’t put your dream on hold for me. This is huge for the band.”

“Maybe so, but it’s not for me anymore.” He stands and walks over to the wall that holds all my pictures, some of which he’s not in because he was touring. “I wanted it so bad when I was younger. And I thought what we had was the best thing ever. Just rockin’ out, playing our music. That was all I really wanted. To play music. But the guys wanted more. They made me want more until it consumed me. Made me believe things I wasn’t sure of. You know this.”
“I know.”

“And I love the guys. I love the band. I’m so fucking grateful for everything I have. But I’m done. I want out, and I want you.”

“Lee …”

He shakes his head. “It has nothing to do with you. I mean, it does, but it’s not because of anything you’ve done. It’s because I want to be here. With you. I want to get married, to start a family, to get a dog, and to have a life. Here. With you. And I can’t do that if I’m on the road.”

“I want that, too. But don’t think I’m—”

“You’re not. That’s the thing. You’ve been nothing but supportive. And I know if I told you I wanted to do more after these next six months, you would be fine with that.”

“I would,” I agree.

“I know it, princess. But I’m done. Another six months. That’s it.”

“Six months?”

“Six months.”

“Six months?” I ask again, lame as ever. In my defense, I’m shocked. Part of me always thought that the rest of my life was always going to be me waiting for Liam, but apparently not. He just told me he’s done… he’s coming home for good. In six freaking months! After years and years and years of him being on the road, he’s finally coming home! I can’t believe this is happening. Liam and me. Me and Liam. Together.

“Six months.” He laughs.

“Are you sure? I mean, what about the guys?”

I’ve made my way over to the couch, where he settles next to me, and I rest my head on his chest. His long fingers twist the multitude of studs in my ear for a minute before he talks.

“They weren’t happy, but band members leave all the time. They’ll find someone else. I think that eventually, they’ll be happy for me. And really, I don’t care if they’re not.”

“Lee, don’t think for a second that if you change your mind, I’ll be mad or anything.” Of course I want him. But I’m not selfish enough to tell him I’d rather have him here with me than on the road. If he did want to continue, I would be fine with it because it would make him happy. I want him to be happy. But if he’s really done with the band, then that makes me happy, too. ’Cause I miss him. So bad.

“Does this mean what I think it means?”

My head shakes on his chest when he laughs. I look up at him and flick his nose.

“Yeah, princess. Go find it.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, then press a hard kiss to his lips, hop off the couch, and run to grab my laptop. Once I have it, I sit at the kitchen table and power it on, tapping my fingers anxiously. Liam stands behind me and places his hands on my shoulders, gently rubbing them, his thumbs kneading into my back. My head falls forward for a moment, and I let him take my stress away.

Too excited to wait any longer, I roll my head back up and type in the address bar. Once I scroll through the website and see one that stands out, I point at it. “You like it?”

“I don’t care. I already told you this.”

“Liam, it’s a house, not a shirt. You have to have an opinion.”

“My opinion is that I don’t care what the house looks like as long as you’re in it.”

God, I love this man. He always said that we’d buy a house when he finished with his tour. In my mind, I was prepared to wait, so there was no way I could contain my excitement that I get to start house hunting now. “Give me something. Anything. Please, Lee. I want you to like it, too.”

“All right.” He kisses the top of my head and sits next to me. “I want privacy. If there’s not a fence already, I’ll build one, and I want some land. I don’t want the neighbors to be able to look over and see me pleasuring you.”

“Ha-ha.”

“Think I’m joking?” The screeching of the metal chair legs pierces my ears when he turns it so my body is in front of his. He grips my upper arms, looking right at me to make sure I see him, too. “I’ve gone seven years not being able to have you whenever I want you. Seven horrific years. Do you have any idea how much I want you? Constantly.” He answers without giving me a chance to speak as his fingers tighten on my arms. “You are always on my mind. Your face. Your smile. Your smart-ass mouth. Your body. Can you imagine how it’s going to be living together, waking up next to each other, and sleeping in the same bed every night? If I get to come home and touch you, love you, make love to you every day for the rest of my life … Princess, it doesn’t matter where it is or what it looks like as long as you’re there.”

“So at least an acre then?”

He puts his hands on my waist and helps me onto his lap. “That should be sufficient.”

I run my fingers through his hair and rest my forehead on his. He wraps his arms around me, and I bury my face in his neck, breathing him in. “You need to get going,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” he replies, voice full of regret.

I kiss the tattoo of my lips on his neck and sigh. We stay like this, in our own world, taking a moment before I reluctantly stand so he can leave. I never take him to the airport. Since the first time he’s left, we always say good-bye at my apartment. Liam thinks a good-bye at the airport is too final. This way it’s as if he’s just leaving for work.

I walk him to the door and press up on my toes when he leans down. Our lips meet, and we kiss good-bye. A slow, sweet kiss that makes me only want more. “Fuck,” he says under his breath and pulls away. I step away and tuck my hands into my back pockets.

“Text me when you land. See you soon.”

Several minutes go by without him saying anything. He’s just standing here, watching me, his eyes soft. A slight smile pulls the left side of his lips up. There it is.
“This is going to be one of the last times you ever say that to me.”

“Thank God for that. I mean, I can do this as long as you need me to, but I miss you so much. I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve actually been together. The next six months can’t go by fast enough. Especially knowing I get to get a house and then we’ll get married and have babies. And a dog.” I add the last bit in because he really wants a dog and I want to give him whatever I can to make him happy.

“Do you know how much I fuckin’ love you, Meara?”
“I think I have an idea,” I tease.

“You better not have any doubt about it.” His tone is sharp, and I place my hands on his chest.

“I know you love me.”

“Good. Now kiss me again so I can go finish this shit up and get back to you.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

And it did. It sounded wonderful. If things would have happened the way they were supposed to, it would have been wonderful.

But life doesn’t work that way. Sure, he was true to his word and quit touring with Reason to Ruin to stay home with me, but not before I experienced some of the worst moments of my life.

I lost myself.

And I lost Liam.

Of course I was able to get him back, but things were never the same... he was never the same, and neither was I. How can you be after going through such a hardship? How can you move on from the aftereffects of tragedy?

You try.

So that was what we did. We tried. It was excruciatingly hard, but we did it. We fought for ourselves and we fought for each other… and we won. I had Liam home. We were blessed enough to have a beautiful little girl and a dog and the house of my dreams.

I’d never been happier.

But Liam was a different story.