Regretting Gabriel

He was the bad boy of rock-n-roll; cocky, reckless, and infamously short-tempered.

I was just a librarian in a small town who could only dream about the sexy musician noticing her.

But when that dream became reality, nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.

I never thought he’d know my name, never imagined how safe I’d be in his arms, and I couldn’t begin to fantasize about how beautiful he’d make me feel. He was my protector, my reason, my calm before the storm… but nothing good lasts forever, and unfortunately, Gabriel Hunter was no exception.

I’d rather walk home, but it’s cold, and I’m tired, so I wait inside for ten minutes until my ride shows up. My feet are dragging when I reach my building, and soon as I have my key in the lock, I hear his angry voice behind me. “Nobody’s ever stood me up before, Cady, and I gotta say, I do not like it.”

I forgot. I drop my head to the door, and a wave of apprehension sweeps through me before I turn to face him. I’m glad he’s pissed at me; it’ll be the perfect reason for him to forget about me. I don’t need his shit right now, I’m already dealing with enough as it is. Even though he’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, and the person I fantasized about being with my entire life, it’d never work. Friends or whatever he’s going for, probably just a hookup—I can’t do it.

I’ll never be that girl. And I can’t be friends with him and not die a little inside secretly wanting more, wanting it all, and knowing I’ll never have it as I watch him be with other girls from the sidelines. I’ll never have him the way I truly desire.

And I know that’s my fault. If I put myself out there more, things could potentially be different, but that’s not me. I am who I am, and as much as I want to change and be more easygoing, I’m not.

I have crippling anxiety, I’m afraid of the dark, I’m a virgin… I’m not for the likes of him. And I need to tell him that, so I turn around, but before I can open my mouth to do so, his handsome face clouds with uncertainty and concern.

And I melt a little. I pretend he’s looking at me like that because he actually cares about me. For just a few moments, I allow it, so I’ll have this feeling to fall back on when I’m eighty and alone and in a hospital bed with not even one person to visit or care.

His crossed arms drop to his sides, and he takes a step toward me, concern bringing him to me in one long stride, and my heart taking one long beat. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. You were fine earlier. Are you sick again?”

God, why? Of all the times in my life, why did he have to come into it now? “No. I’m sorry I missed dinner, but I’m tired, and I really need to get some sleep.”

He inches closer, and if could back up, I would, but I have nowhere to go. The tension in the air from his frustration is thinning. His hand comes up slowly and rests on the side of my neck, his thumb running along the underside of my jaw.

The touch gentle and soothing, much like earlier at the library. He leans in and puts the palm of his other hand on my hip, resting lightly. “You really need to talk to me.”
“I really need sleep, Gabriel.”

When I say his name, his fingers tighten on my hip, and I feel that touch everywhere, including places I’ve never actually been touched before. “Did you eat, Cady?”

“I’m fine.”

“Did you eat?”

“You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Did you eat?”

He’s stubborn, and I can see I’m not getting anywhere, so I shake my head. “I’m not hungry, though.”

His hands fall, and one goes to mine, intertwining our fingers. I allow another moment so I can soak his touch in deep to absorb and remember it later. He drags me behind him to Gia’s place, but I don’t fight it, I have no fight left in me today. I’ll let him do whatever he thinks he needs to do to fulfill whatever obligation Gia put him up to.

Once we’re inside, he locks the deadbolt.

“Go sit, I’ll make you something.” His head is in the fridge, and I plop my butt on one of the two wooden barstools at the island separating the living room from the kitchen. Peach rubs on my foot, and I reach down and give her head scratches. “If you’re still under the weather, pizza probably doesn’t sound good, huh?”

“You ordered it?”

He keeps his body bent at the waist but turns his neck so his eyes are directed at me. “Uh… yeah, babe. Told you I wanted to eat dinner with you.”

“Did you eat?”

“Yup.” His head disappears again. “There are leftovers if you want some. What sounds good to you? I went to the store today and got stuff for sandwiches and mac-n-cheese…” he trails off as he opens and shuts Gia’s cabinets. “Or she does have a couple of cans of soup.”
After I get over the fact that this man, the one I’ve dreamed about for so long, is making me dinner, I realize that I am kind of hungry. “A sandwich actually sounds good.”
He grabs the stuff out of the fridge whips up a ham and cheese without asking if that is what I want, and I’m mesmerized as I watch.

The way he’s treating me and how sweet he’s being is what I always wished I’d find. Someone like my dad who looked out for me and genuinely cared. Maybe he doesn’t care, maybe he just wants to get laid, or maybe Gia asked him to look out for me since I was sick, but it still feels nice to have someone make me a damn sandwich after a long day.
Gabriel sets the plate in front of me, then slides a bottle of water across the counter.

“Thanks.”

As soon as I take a bite, he leans his elbows on the counter directly across from me, and his smokey eyes bore into mine. “Why’d you ditch me tonight?”

Luckily, I’m a slow chewer, so it gives me time to come up with an excuse because there’s no way in hell I’m going to tell him anything about my life. All it would take is him knowing my full name for him to figure it out, and I’m going to try with everything I have to make sure that doesn’t happen.

I stare back at him, feigning confidence. “Listen, this is sweet and all, but I get it. You’re being nice to me because Gia told you to be, and as much as I appreciate it, you don’t have to babysit me. I’m—”

He grins, which pisses me off because it makes him even hotter, then he cuts me off. “Did you rehearse that while you were chewing?”

My mouth falls open, and I try to close it to form my rebuttal, but nothing comes out. “That’s what I thought.” He lifts his chin and then murmurs cockily, “Finish your food, then come chill for a bit.”

“I don’t want to chill. I want to go to sleep.”

“Then go to sleep.”

“I’m not sleeping with you.”

He raises a brow. “Didn’t ask you to sleep with me, sugar.”
God, he’s infuriatingly stubborn, and when his voice gets all growly like that, it makes me want to let him in… in more ways than one. And that’s a thought I’ve never had, at least not a real one. Fantasy, sure. Reality, never.

I finish my sandwich, and when I’m done, I join him on the couch because let’s be honest; I want to cuddle with him. I want him to hold me and feel safe for the night again.
He pulls me into his side where I rest my head on his chest, and his fingers sift through my hair. “Just relax, Cady.”